12) Strut your stuff hon, it ain't so bad!
Ok...So I suppose I should take my own advice. No one there gets to see my "strutting" quite yet though.
Anyway, enough hypocritical advice. I really just sort of feel strange. I know that there's gonna be a change, everyone else knows that there's gonna be a change, but it doesn't feel that way. Sure, we're surviving on just egg sandwiches and frozen waffles, sure the basement looks like a box factory, sure Mom has sticky notes all over the counter saying things like "what to leave behind" and "what to carry on", but in reality, the change seems miles away. I think that someday soon it's just going to crash over me, and I'll be immersed in the feeling of being lost and be drowned in the change. Right now, right this very second as I sit on the couch typing this post, I feel the same. My mind is swirling with the thoughts of moving and of the Lovely News, yet I don't feel different.
Also... have you ever had something, anything, no matter how petty or trivial, that you always complained about but never really thought about leaving or giving up? That's what Illinois is for me. I always complained at how flat it was and how there was never anything to do. Now that I'm leaving I realize how much I truly love this place. The corn seems less boring and more naturally beautiful and the sky seems more blue. I value visits into town and to the mall more than before. I can't even imagine leaving here. Maybe this is why my Grandpa can't leave his town. You feel so attached to a place that, no matter how boring you think it is, you can't get up the strength to leave.
I guess you just have to learn to value what you have, because you never know when it may be pulled out from under your feet and gone. :)
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No truer words were ever spoken..which is also why I'm tugging at moving there.. 40 yrs. is a long time to establish roots, and then... leave it all.. going to a place where I won't even know how to get to the grocery store..but if I thought I was too old for adventure, I might as well give it up..your going there..still young enough to establish new roots, make life long friends, love your community, realize the country side there, is just as beautiful or more than Illinois..find MORE things to do..and have a beautiful home and animals to love on top of it all..when you add it all up..it sounds quite breathtaking really.
ReplyDeleteIt still doesn't feel quite real even this close to leaving..so..until the day actually arrives, I'm just not gonna dwell on it..
Aww, K-Ki, you're turning into me! Poetic and Philosophical. *tear* I agree that yes, it doesn't feel at all like you're leaving. Maybe it's from the loss of packing stress (Cuz your movers are doing all the work for you!!!) Maybe it's from not everyone knowing that you're leaving. Just today people were like "You're moving?!" Or maybe it's from all the warmth and comfort that you always have, and it is remaining consistent throughout this whole process. Here in our little rural Illinois town, its always very cozy feeling. When someone moves, they usually get all the warmth and attention, but since you already have that, nothing feels different. So I imagine that, yes, you will be hit with a ton of bricks when you finally board that plane to leave for good. You will feel the shock of the world sitting on your shoulders that morning you wake up and your room is empty. But even if you did have that anxious, gnawing feeling constantly sitting in the pit of your stomach, you would still feel the same instant shock, regardless of how you felt prior to that dreadful day. So my word of advice you've basically already told yourself, value your final days here, and love every minute of it. Because you'll be gone before you know it. Don't. Regret. Anything. If it's enough to remember, good or bad, then it is valuabke in some way. That's all I have to say for today.
ReplyDelete~Crip/M~
Diane- I bet it is hard. But you did do it once! I never thought that you were too old for an adventure...sure you're my Grammy, but it never seems as if you're the age you are. The adventures that we have make you almost seem a teenager!
ReplyDeleteM- Well, I have many sides. It is cozy here and I will miss it. I will be quite shocked I suppose. I keep hoping that I'll wake up and everything will be back to normal...
Heyy um hon...you spelled Illinois wrong in your heading:) Teehee!!
ReplyDeleteLove ya anyways!
*S*